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2 Ways to Fine Tune Your Online Dating Encounters

Last week I promised you I would set up my online dating profile, and I’m happy to report that I did it!

Profile Posted!

I kept to the basics and didn’t write too much in the description section since I tend to go cross eyed and lose interest when I’m reading long and rambling profiles. I also had a friend, who is a writer and an online dating veteran, review my profile and make a few suggestions before I put it up.

What I didn’t do is make any reference to having chronic pain or illness, since no one needs to know that right away. But if you were to pay close attention to my profile, you’d notice that my life is not busy nor am I very physically active. I also mentioned that I’m in the process of publishing a book, inviting men to ask more, which could eventually open the door to a conversation about my health condition.

Conversations Started!

Not only did I post my profile, but I’ve been messaging with several guys on the site, and have tentative plans to meet up with a couple of them this weekend. Things happen fast in the online dating world.

Which brings me to my topic this week. The online dating world. It’s a WEIRD place. I hear a lot of people complain about it. It’s hard to make connections. It's a time waster. People aren’t who they portray themselves to be online. They lie about what they are looking for. They don’t put much effort into their messages, especially not at first. Case in point, here a few of the intro messages I got from guys:


“Hey there. Love your smile and profile.”

“Are you really as nice as written on your profile?”

“Hi. Like your profile. Its[sic] great to be able to write an[sic] publish.”

“Hi there how are you :)”

“Hi ,nice to meet you…I liked your profil[sic]!”


I think a lot of people don’t write much because they’ve spent a lot of time online and haven’t felt that writing more than a line or two is worthwhile. Fine. But if you ‘re going to write a short message, put a little thought into it, and give others something to respond to.

How to Fine Tune Your Online Dating Encounters

1. When you approach someone online, personalize your message and ask a few questions to get the conversation going. Show the person why you’re interested in them in particular. This doesn’t have to take more than a few sentences.

2. When someone contacts you for the first time, treat them the way you would like to be treated. It’s just good karma.

  • If you like the message, respond with interest. Don’t just fire off a generic one-liner and don’t sweat over your reply for hours. Write a few sentences from the heart.

  • Kindly say no thank you to those you’re not interested in. You can even mention why if they’ve put some effort into their message (ex: you’re out of my age range, I’m looking for someone who lives in the same city, etc…).

  • If the message is crude, ignore it and delete it. Don’t give it a second thought.​

Now that I’m on a roll, my next goal is to go on a coffee date. I will be reporting on that next Friday!

One final thought: If you’re online dating in 2015, Aziz Ansari’s book, Modern Romance, is a must read.

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