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Dating: A Struggle or a Pleasure?

Dating is hard. It’s a struggle. It’s so much work.

These are phrases that often come out of my mouth, partly because I live with chronic pain and illness, which can complicate things quite a bit, and partly because meeting someone special seems hard, health condition or not.

When hear myself say that dating is a struggle, I start to feel powerless over the process. When I listen to myself talk about how much more complicated it is to date when you have a health condition, I start to become discouraged. Getting to the end goal of having a relationship seems to become this shining beacon on the other side of Mount Everest. The more I say that dating is just so much work, the more it seems to become harder and more arduous.

It was my own life coach who pointed out the language I was using around dating. She reminded me that our words are powerful, and that they create our reality. If tell myself and others that dating is hard, it’s going to be hard. The language I’ve been using around dating is really quite disempowering.

This led me to remember what Don Miguel Ruiz says in The Four Agreements:

“Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything. Regardless of what language you speak, your intent manifests through the word… The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life.” [emphasis mine]

Words are powerful, and I’ve been using them in an unhelpful and disempowering way. If I keep talking about how much of a struggle it is to meet someone, it’s going to be a struggle, so it’s time to change the way I talk about dating.

  • I can choose how much effort I put into dating.

  • I am putting energy into meeting someone on a regular basis, and it will pay off.

  • I have the ability to manifest the relationship I want, and I’m going to do just that.

That sounds a lot better already. It feels like it’s much less up to chance, and more up to what I decide I want to make happen, and that’s a powerful feeling. I can manifest whatever it is that I really want, and it will happen smoothly, effortlessly and pleasurably.

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